I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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