go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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