The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
