hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
