im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
