dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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