A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
