I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
