So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
