Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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