He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
