I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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