rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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