if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
tell me about the eggs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
