Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
People in love make me want to vomit
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
