Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
