Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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