WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
