I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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