i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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