Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
