He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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