Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
