that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
