Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
