you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
