No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
