I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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