I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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