3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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