Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
