So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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