i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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