i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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