Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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