I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
