she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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