My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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