your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
