you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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