I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
