how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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