I swear she didn't look like that last week.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
