I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
