I just cut my nipple shaving
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
