i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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