Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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