So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
