You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
