Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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