but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
