So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
